If The Late Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Lived in 2013...

 

Wednesday the 28th officially marked the 50th anniversary of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.'s historic "I Have A Dream" speech. While it seems that people still talk about the memorial rally in celebration of the event, I couldn't help but think more towards today's events rather than look back on history. However, with all the discussion over King, I asked myself this. If the late Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. were alive in 2013, what would he think about the America today versus the America from the past?

I think that if the late Dr. King, Jr. lived in 2013, 50 years later after his speech, there are definitely several changes in the world that he would probably noticed. Obviously, one could say that if he was alive, he would be proud of America for electing a Black man as president. But there's more than just a change of skin with a president.

• He would see that, in today's demanding society, people now judge each other by several factors - their lifestyles, their amount of Facebook friends and Twitter followers, their photos on Instagram, their sexual orientation, and their overall physical appearance - rather than judge people by their character. Didn't this guy realize that not judging everybody by character requires too much work? Seriously, one does not simply trust others to be true to themselves.

• He would sadly learn that a majority of people care more about the latest Hollywood celebrity acting trashy out in public than worry about social issues and foreign affairs. Celebrities doing bad behavior just happen to be more important, especially since they affect the children who watch them. They don't even understand what they are watching!

• He would be happy to learn that more minority students, particularly his people, are getting access to more college opportunities and scholarships, but might not realize that the colleges are using reverse racism to fill up their school population by year. Ask any Caucasian.

•  He would be sad that his people pull out the "race card" whenever they are made fun of, yet they find it acceptable to call each other "niggas" out in public.

• He would find it weird that for a strong country, its people still can't talk about racial boundaries and race in general. 

• He wouldn't understand the fascination with twerking (then again, nobody does).

• He wouldn't understand why people stereotype Blacks with a strange love for things like fried chicken and flavored kool-aid. 

• He wouldn't tolerate the behavior from MSNBC, CNN, and  Fox News Channel's public figures. However, I bet he would make an interesting guest, and could give their anchor's a run for their paychecks (expect maybe Anderson Cooper. I think he could handle interviewing King). 

• He would want to help out the poor and the unemployed in America, but that might result in more death threats besides by mail. 

• He would think that recent controversy over voter suppression laws are taking America as far back as the 1950's (I heard those were "happier times", but other than watching old TV shows like I Love Lucy, I'm not that convinced).

• But hey, maybe he would be friends with this guy:

Although these are just several things, I think he would be ashamed at certain American people over who is and is not invited to his 50th anniversary memorial rally (For example, if someone is Black but their political affiliation is conservative, they obviously wouldn't be allowed to go for some reason). I would think he would want as many people as possible to gather together and celebrate moving forward with the future rather than hold on to the past. But of course, that is his dream, not the American dream. Nevertheless, I believe he would want to live in a different country if he were alive today, like maybe the United Kingdom. Either way, the struggle to move to a better world continues.

Disclaimer: the following blog post is satire. I do not hold any credibility to this fake story.

Mayor Bloomberg Proposes that Wearing Clothes Will Be Illegal in New York

If there is one mayor who has stirred up quite a riot nationwide for his actions, it is definitely New York's Mayor Michael Bloomberg. Despite his mayoral term ending  about five months from now, he believes he is doing everything in his power to make New York a better place to live. His actions include banning cigarette smoking and gigantic soft drinks, keeping guns off the streets, enforcing the Stop-and-Frisk policy, and even enforcing fingerprinting on public houses. Now, Mayor Bloomberg has a new plan.

Earlier today, in a effort to keep weapons and guns off the streets altogether, Mayor Bloomberg proposed that New York citizens are forbidden to wear regular clothing out in public. He insists that instead of clothing, citizens could wear alternatives such as togas and sandals. In a public speech in front of both local and national journalists, Bloomberg explained his reasoning. "With today's clothing, anybody could hide a illegal weapon underneath their clothes," addressed Bloomberg, "If we as citizens of New York want to make here a better place to live, I believe banning clothes out in public will do the trick. That way, there are limited places that a person can hide a weapon underneath their own body, and it will help stop crime."

However, not everyone agrees with Bloomberg's latest strategy. Many of his critics claim that once again, Mayor Bloomberg is acting racist towards minorities through his actions. They also claim that his actions could possibly encourage crime activity in the streets. 

"I am shocked that you close-minded people think I am a racist bigot," stated Bloomberg. "I am not trying to attack a certain group of minorities! I am just trying to make New York a better place for everyone. I don't care if Blacks and Latinos find this hateful towards them; that's their problem, not mine. Besides, what's wrong with wearing togas? Togas are more comfortable and form-fitting than many of the clothing brands out today. Togas are better to wear too, for togas make it easier to let everything hang out. Look, I will prove it tomorrow at the next media conference by wearing a toga while expressing my newest idea. I don't even care if you people complain about my wrinkles."

When asked by journalists if there was a specific group of people who did not have to wear togas if this new rule was enforced, Mayor Bloomberg replied with ease, "Well, I don't think Wall Street Bankers have to wear togas. I mean, they can wear business suits out in public for as long as they please. I don't really believe that they are the real criminals in New York like everyone else suggest. I just think they are group of misunderstood people by the general public."

Mayor Bloomberg ended the conference with a statement regarding the mayoral election. "Of course, whoever wins the election for mayor can change the laws during his or her term. I just wouldn't suggest doing it because it looks bad on my part. Trust me, people think I'm a good mayor. Now, if all of you will excuse me, I have got to go shopping for togas and sandals at the nearest costume store. I have to become 'Michael the Great' before my mayoral term is over."

Disclaimer: the following blog post is satire. I do not hold any credibility to this fake story.

What Helen Thomas Had Taught The World

A while ago, legendary journalist and veteran White House reporter Helen Thomas was sent on a special mission by the White House - to fly into space. That day, she flew away from Earth in her rocket ship to discover what truth lies beyond the new frontier, but more likely to escape the insanity for a while. Unfortunately, word of her space journey did not come out until recently (Damn you, Royal Baby!). Even though she's set to return sometime in mid-August, many people wish her well on her new-found journey. While the rest of the world tries to sum up her life story on the internet, it's important to remember what she showed the world through her personality. Here are five things Helen Thomas has taught the world about life while she was here.

1. Popularity is so overrated.

So what if she was never the most popular person ever with the least popular opinions. She did not try to be an attention seeker in the modern world. Sure, she never wrote about her break-ups or filmed any leaked sex tapes. She never had the career of overrated-journalist-turned-talk-show-host experience. For one thing, she certainly wasn't taking any pictures of her body parts and posting them online. She never saw herself as anything but a truth-seeker, yet the world knew her name.

2. Retiring is for the weak.

Throughout her life, she was a tireless, ongoing woman who refused to stop pushing forward, chasing stories she believed the American public deserved to hear. When it came to those hard-breaking stories, she would be the early bird who caught the worm before her fellow colleagues could. To her, she felt retiring showed a sign of weakness (as well as apologizing and being forced to retire, but that's another story). Thus, her dedication to her job gave her the strength she needed in a confusing world of flowing information.

3. There is no such thing as being too provocative.

One thing to note is that she kept every male in his place. From the ten presidents to press secretaries and other public figures, Thomas has kept her eye on them as she observed every little thing. Although Thomas had no problems pushing boundaries, her male colleagues did. But hey, somebody's got to have the balls.

4. Women can be just as intelligent (or maybe more intelligent) than men.

Her male colleagues throughout her career have been jealous of her. After all, she would not invite them to all-female exclusive clubs that she was president of. She fought against female opposition in her field, letting those men know who was really in charge.

5. Democracy is a sacred thing.

Let's face it, people are deaf when it comes to the truth. Nobody wants to hear that they're really fat or their B.O. stinks. It's the same with the news, where people turn the other cheek. Not Helen Thomas though. Wearing her overused Wonder Woman costume under all that clothing, she was determined to fight every thing she had for the whole truth. It did not matter who spoke at the White House; with her around, she would go after the speaker with her thought-provoking questions. Regardless of how many times they ignored her, she did not give up. 

Helen Thomas, you are missed by many. 

Disclaimer: the following blog post is satire. I do not hold any credibility to this fake story.

Rest in peace, Helen Thomas (August 4, 1920 - July 20, 2013)

Chaos In Weinergate: The Ongoing Saga

When singer Kelis shows her "milkshake", it brings all the boys to her yard; but when Carlos Danger shows his "sausage", everybody gets offended.

Former Congressman Anthony Weiner just wants to run for New York mayor, but the media keeps him on the edge thanks to the latest sexting scandal. As a result, more attention has been towards Weiner and his wife Huma Abedin than on anything else considered newsworthy, and not everybody is pleased with this. For example, the family most offended by Weiner's actions is the Clinton family. Hillary kept begging Weiner to pull out of the race after he accidentally sent one of his "dick pics" to Bill Clinton under his alias Carlos Danger. The text also said, "I heard you like it like this, Monica." They haven't spoken to each other since.

Other candidates want Weiner to drop out of the mayoral race because it gives them an easier chance of winning, believing that he is too occupied with himself to continue on. Even Eliot Spitzer, who is running as New York City's Comptroller, harassed Weiner with the question, "Are you sexting anyone right now?"  Weiner's response back to Spitzer was, "Well at least my wife isn't embarrassed to appear by my side during my campaign trail." Spitzer was heard responding, "Just don't send my wife any of your 'selfies'."

It does not help that his own spokeswoman quit on him, accusing Weiner's interns of not working on the campaign, and rather on wasting time (as shown below).

His wife Huma Abedin is not the kind of woman who likes to show her emotions yet stays by her husband's side. However, she has been going out more in New York, particularly running errands such as shopping for new outfits, going to spas, and finding a divorce attorney in case the Weiner campaign becomes an ultimate failure. 

The media is shaming Weiner into not taking pictures of himself without clothes, yet others who pose shirtless don't get shamed, such as his pal Spitzer:

Or maybe this guy:

As well as this guy:

The whole campaign has been blown away and all hope may be lost. But don't worry because Weiner will not be pulling out just yet. No, he will fight until he can no longer go far. After all, Weiner knows that quitting isn't the way he rolls... unless people force you to quit a high position such as Congress. Either way, leave it to Weiner, and everything will be okay, right?

For now, let's just hope Weiner's campaign won't decrease in size until September.

Disclaimer: the following blog post is satire. I do not hold any credibility to this fake story.