Mayor Bloomberg Proposes that Wearing Clothes Will Be Illegal in New York

If there is one mayor who has stirred up quite a riot nationwide for his actions, it is definitely New York's Mayor Michael Bloomberg. Despite his mayoral term ending  about five months from now, he believes he is doing everything in his power to make New York a better place to live. His actions include banning cigarette smoking and gigantic soft drinks, keeping guns off the streets, enforcing the Stop-and-Frisk policy, and even enforcing fingerprinting on public houses. Now, Mayor Bloomberg has a new plan.

Earlier today, in a effort to keep weapons and guns off the streets altogether, Mayor Bloomberg proposed that New York citizens are forbidden to wear regular clothing out in public. He insists that instead of clothing, citizens could wear alternatives such as togas and sandals. In a public speech in front of both local and national journalists, Bloomberg explained his reasoning. "With today's clothing, anybody could hide a illegal weapon underneath their clothes," addressed Bloomberg, "If we as citizens of New York want to make here a better place to live, I believe banning clothes out in public will do the trick. That way, there are limited places that a person can hide a weapon underneath their own body, and it will help stop crime."

However, not everyone agrees with Bloomberg's latest strategy. Many of his critics claim that once again, Mayor Bloomberg is acting racist towards minorities through his actions. They also claim that his actions could possibly encourage crime activity in the streets. 

"I am shocked that you close-minded people think I am a racist bigot," stated Bloomberg. "I am not trying to attack a certain group of minorities! I am just trying to make New York a better place for everyone. I don't care if Blacks and Latinos find this hateful towards them; that's their problem, not mine. Besides, what's wrong with wearing togas? Togas are more comfortable and form-fitting than many of the clothing brands out today. Togas are better to wear too, for togas make it easier to let everything hang out. Look, I will prove it tomorrow at the next media conference by wearing a toga while expressing my newest idea. I don't even care if you people complain about my wrinkles."

When asked by journalists if there was a specific group of people who did not have to wear togas if this new rule was enforced, Mayor Bloomberg replied with ease, "Well, I don't think Wall Street Bankers have to wear togas. I mean, they can wear business suits out in public for as long as they please. I don't really believe that they are the real criminals in New York like everyone else suggest. I just think they are group of misunderstood people by the general public."

Mayor Bloomberg ended the conference with a statement regarding the mayoral election. "Of course, whoever wins the election for mayor can change the laws during his or her term. I just wouldn't suggest doing it because it looks bad on my part. Trust me, people think I'm a good mayor. Now, if all of you will excuse me, I have got to go shopping for togas and sandals at the nearest costume store. I have to become 'Michael the Great' before my mayoral term is over."

Disclaimer: the following blog post is satire. I do not hold any credibility to this fake story.