George Zimmerman Tries To Find A New Job

It has almost been two weeks since George Zimmerman was found not guilty for the murder of Trayvon Martin. The ups and downs of the intensity of the court, as Zimmerman fought for his rights, and the aftermath of the trial stirred much ado over whether the jury had been wrong. Although the case has been over for quite some time, there is one thing that might be certain: George Zimmerman cannot find a new job.

Because of the verdict, he cannot go back working to his previous job as a Neighborhood Watchman Captain out of fear over more chaos involving his once peaceful neighborhood. He also cannot apply for local jobs anywhere in his area with someone saying, "Hey, aren't you George Zimmerman? Yeah, we heard about your trial! No, we're not hiring. Get out."

Zimmerman's defense attorney Don West encouraged Zimmerman to be his partner in his new-found dream of becoming a stand-up comedian. Zimmerman turned West's offer down because he feels his is already the punchline behind many jokes. 

Desperate to find a job, Zimmerman turned to good-friend Frank Taaffe.Taffee has been loyal to Zimmerman's side throughout the whole trial, defending him for everything he did on national television; for a confident Taaffe, this job-hunt would be easy. 

"I'll see if I can get him a job working with Nancy Grace," explained Taaffe."Maybe he can help me figure out how to stop her from cutting off my microphone every time I talk over her. I know she likes to hear my voice; she can't do that to me all the time." Sadly for both men, Grace refused to hire him as she did not fall for Taaffe's begging.

So, if Zimmerman will never have luck finding a job, what will he do for the rest of his life?

Not all hope is lost for Zimmerman as he is trying a new idea. According to Zimmerman's lawyer, Mark O'Mara, he has heard about American citizens preparing for jobs that are not even around yet. Because of this, he has decided to train as Florida's first official superhero, a job that currently does not exist. "Well, he's already got experience," Don West, Zimmerman's defense attorney, told local reporters outside Zimmerman's neighborhood. "I mean, he's already applied self-defense. That should be enough training. Just like my knock-knock joke is enough training to become a world-famous comedian. By the way, where's the nearest comedy club? I have new material."

Zimmerman experimented with his new, ideal job by saving a family of four from an overturned truck - one mile away from his accused deed. Although it's a good start for Zimmerman, he was not recognized as a hero by the media, forcing him to crawl back into hiding. Living in his own Batman movie, he currently plots his new plan - find The Joker and kill him at the exact same location.  

But even if Zimmerman became an official superhero and the state of Florida decided to give him his own gun to fight crime, it wouldn't save Florida from its isolation against the United States.

However, his superhero attempts might be a part of juror B37's story in her book deal for she expressed interest talking about his highly-publicized trial and what it felt like to be a juror... not that it will make Zimmerman's life any better.

Regardless of what Zimmerman will do for the rest of his life, people are going to remember him in a negative light. As one neighbor said, "It doesn't matter who attacked first and who really committed the crime. The media sought after it as a racist situation, even though the trial dealt with a white Hispanic man and a black teenager. The claim of 'white supremacist' made its way back to the eyes of everyone who saw. But it doesn't matter if race played a part or not. It doesn't matter, for in the end, somebody is still dead and [the families] are the ones who are forced to suffer."

Disclaimer: the following blog post is satire. I do not hold any credibility to this fake story.