On July 4th, NSA employees will join President Obama at the White House while celebrating the freedoms they have over everyone else in a backyard barbecue. Each guest attending will enter the party through the White House where they will stop and admire the welcome banner with a slogan at the bottom that says, "Big Brother Is Watching You." Like any normal barbecue, there will be hot dogs, Miller beer, and a fireworks display to spend the evening, as well as popular barbecue games such as "I Spy" and "Pin The Handcuffs on Edward Snowden." There will also be Karaoke night, allowing the attendees to sing classic songs such as Private Eyes, Every Move You Make, and everybody's favorite song I Always Feel Like Somebody's Watching Me. In addition, President Obama will be debuting live at the party his newest cover of the hit song Get Lucky.
Unfortunately, not everyone is invited to perhaps the biggest party of the year. When asked if the infamous 30-year-old whistleblower had an invitation to go despite not working for the NSA anymore, Vice President Joe Biden took the opportunity to answer questions regarding Snowden. Biden stated, "Although many of us here would like him back, I doubt he'll willingly leave that airport in Moscow to attend. It would just be awkward; besides, he might end up hiding in one of the port-a-potty's we have set up because, you know... he's known to be a leaker."
So enjoy a happy 4th NSA. Perhaps you'll catch Snowden someday, but for now enjoy the country on its special holiday. As for the rest of us, we'll keep in mind that with every bond we break, every step we take, you'll be watching us.
Disclaimer: the following blog post is satire. I do not hold any credibility to this fake story.
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