Chaos In Weinergate Part Two: Some Last Minute Campaign Strategies

The days are coming closer before New York citizens can vote for the state's next mayor. But no other candidate has been talked about more than "Mr. Sexting Machine" Anthony Weiner. Before his campaign days are over, Weiner is trying to make sure he gets his last-minute campaign strategies together so New Yorkers know that he's just a regular man with big dreams.

In a recent media appearance, Weiner explained his tactics he thinks will help him win the ongoing mayoral campaign. First, he will attempt to make an appearance at a cultural parade while promoting his campaign.

Then, he will pose as a local New York weatherman while making audiences believe that they should either vote for him or they are just too tired in the mornings.

He also plans to confront anybody who publicly attacks him before election day, and he will do so without shame (particularly confronting Jewish voters, knowing that the argument is anything but kosher).

Of course, he acknowledges that these tactics alone will not easily convince voters to elect him.

On the night of Friday September 6th, Anthony Weiner plans to host New York's largest Rosh Hashanah blowout party in honor of current mayor Michael Bloomberg. Weiner even invited special guests Miley Cyrus and Robin Thicke to perform "Blurred Lines" at the party. When asked why he was inviting them in the first place, Weiner responded, "I thought their performance was great at the VMA's, and I can totally relate to Robin's song. I mean, there's blurred lines in my life. Oh, and that foam finger."

He will be teaching a free seminar at New York University over the weekend. He explained to the press that the seminar will teach citizens about Human Nature and why it's hard to fight the body's many natural urges.

He will host New York's first ever "Bike Race Rally to End Bike Lanes" during Saturday afternoon.

He will visit as many local places as he can to enforce his love for small businesses. In turn, if someone talks about his personal life again, he will attack them.

He plans to promote a book-reading campaign to gain the votes of parents. He believes it will help ensure critical reading for the future generations, and he also discovered what one can do with a book.
 
Most importantly, Anthony Weiner will try to get the cell phone numbers of every registered New York voter so he can text them as a reminder to vote for him before election day.

Nevertheless, Anthony Weiner is not only desperate to become mayor, but desperate enough to win the hearts of new York citizens as he fights everything he's got win. Even if it works, only God knows whether or not New York, much less the rest of the world, can be saved from danger... Carlos Danger.

Good luck New York.

Disclaimer: the following blog post is satire. I do not hold any credibility to this fake story.