Jay Carney Wants To Quit His Job After Government Shutdown Ends

WASHINGTON - Nine days into government shutdown, and everybody wants answers to questions like, "When will this shutdown be over?", and so on. While President Barack Obama and House Speaker John Boehner keep the nation on the edge of their seat with their bickering, government leaders are put under pressure. But nobody is put under pressure more than White House Secretary Jay Carney.

For Carney, he has to meet with the press almost every day answering questions about the government shutdown and what his boss President Obama has to say regarding the issue. Despite Obama's absences from these meetings, Carney holds his ground with these desperate reporters... until now.

On Wednesday's press conference with the White House Correspondents, Carney continued answering questions addressing any process made in Washington, D.C. by officials. Questions such as, "How long will this government shutdown last?", "What will happen to the troops fighting in Afghanistan?", and "What does President Obama think of the football team 'Washington Redskins'?", etc. made their way into the conference. Jay Carney behaved professionally until one reporter asked the one question that made him loose his temper:

"Mr. Carney, now that several reporters have called you out on your lies, what more lies lay ahead regarding the government shutdown?"

"Alright, that's it," yelled Carney, "I CANNOT TAKE THIS ANYMORE!"

Correspondents sat in shock as they then witnessed Jay Carney rip up his notes.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I sincerely apologize," declared Carney, "But as soon as this stupid government shutdown is over, I'm quitting my job!"

When asked by reporters why he was suddenly considering quitting as an option, Carney took off his glasses, raising his fist in sheer anger.

"Why? You all ask why?", Carney asked, followed by rage, "I'll tell you why! Because all you people do is sit around and ask me questions about the president while treating me like I am President Obama's personal lap dog! Plus, all you 'journalist' only want to hear answers without actually listening to what I have to say! And then you all get mad at me when I don't have the answer you want to hear! Well guess what? I don't always know what's going on around here, so stop asking me! Just because I wear a pair of glasses, that doesn't mean I'm a god damn wizard!"

Carney continued on his temper tantrum, ranting and insulting the White House Correspondents. "Hey, since you'll all correspondents, why don't you guys actually go outside and report something newsworthy? Don't blame me for the government shutdown, for I wasn't part of it! Go ahead and piss all over Sylvia Burwell since it's her fault! She's the one who single-handily ordered this shutdown to happen in the first place! Yet there's hardly any mention of her from your colleagues! Why don't you go and actually do your job?"

Carney then ended the conference stating, "If all of you have a serious problem with me, take it outside where a personal soapbox will be set up for you! I'M OUTTA HERE!"

After the Correspondents had been officially dismissed from the conference, Jay Carney went into his office and requested to have the rest of the year off as soon as the government shutdown was over.

Disclaimer: the following blog post is satire. I do not hold any credibility to this fake story.