If there's one thing a government shutdown can prove, it is that nobody wants one. This is especially the case with the ongoing "love-hate but mostly hate" relationship between President Barack Obama and House Speaker John Boehner. So while most Americans receive updates in the news from NPR to Conan O'Brien, Obama and Boehner try to bribe Congress to side with either one of them. For both men, the battle has not been easy.
The House met up on Saturday to discuss and vote on retroactive pay, only for their meeting to become verbal "fight club" between Obama and Boehner.
"As you know... this shutdown could have been avoided," said the president to the House of Representatives. "I want it to be over just like everybody else. But we cannot reopen the government thanks to Speaker Boehner."
"Oh please, you faker," John Boehner responded. "We all know you're the one who refuses to negotiate with anybody. Sure, you're willing to talk with an Iranian president, but what about us GOP members? You don't exactly listen to us."
"That's because people like you say stupid stuff," explained President Obama. "Besides, you don't care about the American people."
"Well neither do you, Mr. Big Shot," said Boehner.
"Come on, you guys," said Joe Biden while asking both men, "Why can't we be friends?"
"Obama just refuses to negotiate with us," a crestfallen John Boehner
told the press. "I mean, all we're asking for here is a simple
discussion of fairness for the American people under Obamacare. But no!
Obama just doesn't want to do that! Sure, he's willing to negotiate with
Iran's president, but when someone from the GOP wants to make a deal,
he backs away like we're poisoning the country. I really don't get why
the American people re-elected this douche. He just makes me want to cry."
It is unclear whether or not these two men will make up.
Disclaimer: the following blog post is satire. I do not hold any credibility to this fake story.
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