Donald Trump to Edward Snowden: "You're Fired!"

All the recent news coverage about the latest updates on the leaks can easily distract the average American from paying attention to the enervated drama of the Kardashians to Taylor Swift's current relationship status (and don't forget Tim Tebow!). Edward Snowden, a 29-year-old former NSA contractor, was revealed to be the man behind leaking information about the government spying on its people through phone calls, emails, and social media websites. Currently M.I.A., maybe this man might never be seen again. Perhaps the world would like verification if Mr. Snowden is even a naturalized, United States citizen... or at least Donald Trump wants to know.

Shortly after the announcement that Edward Snowden was the whistleblower behind the scandals, Donald Trump called in Fox News Channel's morning show Fox & Friends on June 10th to say that Edward is "a bad guy" and that he believes the man is nothing but a grandstander. Off the air, he made comments to the show's hosts via telephone about how he wanted to see Edward Snowden's birth certificate. He additionally stated that he did, however, tried contacting Edward because he wanted to make amends with him. He wants the 29-year-old whistleblower to mail The Donald his birth certificate proving that he's a United States citizen, and as a reward, Edward will be allowed to donate $500 to the charity of his choice so he can prove to the public that he's not a bad guy at all. (This information was obtained through NSA's controversial program PRISM.)

"I think this guy would have been fun to poke around with," Trump told the three hosts of Fox & Friends in a recorded phone call off-the-air. "I would love to come up to him, point my finger and say, 'You're fired!' just to see him go crazy as it would be enjoyable for me."

Although many people are bothered by the terrible news, no one could ever be as bothered as America's favorite grandstand master himself, the beloved Donald. With all the media rage, one can't blame him for not being able to think straight. This never-before-seen released footage shows our poor Donald building up all his frustration on Sunday afternoon, hours after the whistleblower was revealed.

For those who worry that Trump might never be the same, don't fear. He'll make his comeback by jumping on his Twitter account and make fun of the whole situation while blaming the president for the timing. Not to mention the fact that The Donald loves attacking people, from comedians like Bill Maher to even President Obama,  as that makes it part of his legacy. As Trump had once stated to the world, "As long as there is somebody else to bash out on, everything's okay."

But if there's anything interesting to come out of all this, here's something. Edward Snowden went from being a high-school dropout to a system administrator inside NSA in Hawaii, making $200,000.  At least The Donald should give Edward credit for thinking big, something that The Donald often likes to do himself.

Disclaimer: the following blog post is satire. I do not hold any credibility to this fake story.